Thursday, June 9, 2011

June 9, 2011

     In the hopes that one of these days I will finally feel complete and a part of, I have chosen to travel the narrow roads, although they still are twisting and turning, they are by far the less of two evils.  Like a horse with blinders' I will not be swayed in any direction other than the one I am trudging today.  I can see clearly that I was without a doubt a miserable girl in a woman's frame, and that I spewed misery on all that I encountered.  I am moving on with MY life and I suggest that others' do the same, a life of absolute happiness, compassion, trust and unconditional love.  I do without any uncertainty know what I want and deserve today.  It's taken me a long time to get where I am, and I know I fall occasionally, but I am always willing to stand up, brush the dirt off and move forward again.  I can sit here and make excuse after excuse for my actions, but they would more than likely be untruths, so I will accept all that I have said and done, take a deep breathe, and let all of it go.

     I had often wondered and still do from time to time, if life were a test of will.  I believe that the saying, "Survival of the fittest", suits me.  I am stronger today than I ever imagined I could be, my will is just that mine.  I am not swayed in any way, shape and/or form I wish not to be.  I do not allow others' to manipulate my thoughts, because they are mine as well.  I have regained consciousness and am aware of my surroundings, all of them.    Today my heart is flooded with love, and this love has shown me that I need not be insecure, of myself nor others'.  It's a breath of fresh air actually to be able to breath freely without gasping for air every so often.  I never imagined a day would come, when I felt unconditional love, love that I give so freely to my own children.  It has warmed my soul, and I can now rest assured that all I've read in books is in fact a reality. <3<3

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