June 17, 2011

Here we go again.  Overwhelmed emotionally, not having the ability to put certain things into perspective, blow my mind to say the least.  I clench my fists, scream, walk away.  I walk away, calmly so as not to draw too much attention to myself.  That ever so daunting black cloud is overhead, I know it's there, I sense it.  Waiting for me to make my move, then it will open itself completely and drop all that I'm trying to rid myself of, right back where it all came from.  The damn cloud. YOU WILL NOT DUMP ON ME TODAY! I will listen intently to the thunder as the rain hammers down, and close my eyes and envision a moment in time, when the rain was refreshing and euphoric.  I see that moment, I feel that moment, I can most certainly taste it to.  I savor moments such as those.  They have been few and far between, but I hold dear to me, those few moments, the one's time has almost forgotten.  I will ask for guidance today, I will hold the hand of another and feel the breathe that I breath leaving me, as if to say, "It's going to be okay, I've got a hold on you."  I'm not scared today, I know I'm in Gods' hands today.  I feel his presence all around me, unlike days before.  I've opened my mind today.  I have an open mind today, can you believe it?  Hell, that's a hard pill to swallow.  I'm tired of wallowing in shit, shit that has absolutely nothing to do with me, right here, right now.  It's more than frustrating not being allowed the time to sort through thoughts, with constant interruptions, being pulled in different directions.  DAMN!  Okay, breathe, just breathe....this too shall pass, or at least I pray to God it does.  WOW!  Another day down, and so far so good.