July 1, 2010

I suppose I should say I woke up refreshed, but why lie when in fact when I opened my eyes this morning, it was with complete and utter disgust. I was disgusted with myself, with my dreams, I always had high aspirations for myself and of myself, somehow I let them dwindle by the wayside, go figure. I do know that each day I am presented with a new challenge, and new beginning, HELL it's a fresh start, what was I thinking. I walk fairly regularly during my lunch hour with a co-worker and we use each other to vent, I don't think I've expressed my gratitude towards her, I can only hope that if and when she reads this she will know that I greatly appreciate her as an individual as well as a "FRIEND". I learn more about myself (my true self, the one I lost too many years ago) and strange as it may seem I can honestly say I have absolutely no f@#$ing idea who the hell I am anymore, or did I to begin with. I hold onto the past when it has no bearing on the present nor the future for that matter, but I've always been told as I've stated before, that if I forget, I'm doomed to repeat, and perhaps in the past I threw that by the wayside as well, because I'll be damned if I'm repeating this life, "HELL NO"!!! If this life and/or maybe the next is a test "HELLO?", did I f@#$ing pass? I thought I was emotionally, physically and psychologically drained before, but I'll tell you this much, NO I WAS NOT, I am exhausted, my mind doesn't stop wandering, what the hell is that? I am for certain taking each day as it comes, and attempting to live them as if it were my last.