January 17, 2014

As the letters come pouring in, my concerns are now shifted...what if has become such a reality that I felt it's blow to my soul instantaneously. I'm beside myself uncertain of my own emotions, my own feelings if in fact they are feelings to begin with. What if...I move forward and it turns out the way it always has. What if...there is no moving past my own past and it continues to play a major roll in my every day living. What if...I no longer possess the ability to communicate on a intimate level with another. What if...all of these fears have come to fruition for a very specific reason. Is there a lesson to be learned? Am I not hearing ALL that is being spoken? If only I could reach far inside and find that little girl hidden away maybe I could make heads or tails of all that has presented itself to me recently. Am I terrified? Hell yes I am. I can hear my own heart beating, pounding as if it's about to explode. My senses are confused as well. I want to cry but am not certain I can right now. Is it possible that the Phoenix can rise from the ashes of it's own demise?