January 14, 2014

For for years I have been pouring out my fears by tapping on a keyboard, trying to sort through emotions and such in order to gain a better perspective on my own life and for more years than I can recall I feel helpless. I am well aware that there is help to be had however; the utter disappointment that follows each and every session, therapist, group meeting and prescription is so overwhelming. I want so much to give up yet something pushes me forward, and so another day has begun. I awake feeling exhausted and confused, more so than the evening before. I tell myself to clear a pathway in my mind so as to focus on the tasks that lie ahead, needless to say the self talk hasn't been very helpful. It seems as if I'm falling back as opposed to gaining any ground. As I tap away at the keys every imaginable emotion reveals itself and I am becoming increasingly frustrated with the whirlwind of thoughts that are spinning out of control in my mind. To settle them would be the most miraculous of all. I need some stability in my life and at this rate I know I will never have such a thing.