January 3, 2013

I thought that if I reached out far enough, you would grab my hand and pull me to safety, little did I know that you would only throw me back into the abyss. I thought I had found a friend, little did I know that all I confided in you would someday be used against me. I thought for a fleeting moment love had knocked at my door, little did I know that it was merely FEAR trying to break in. I thought that perhaps being the caretaker you would see that I was worthy, little did I know that; I looked foolish in the eyes of others'. I thought things would have been different, little did I know that I was the one holding myself back. I thought if I changed; things would emerge. I thought if I held back emotions, you would accept me for who I am. I thought if I gave my ALL, you would see ME. I haven't the will to fight anymore. I am weak. I barely have the ability to pull myself to my own feet, let alone aid another. So, here I stand, at the very edge, looking down at the jagged rocks and massive waves crashing against them, inching my way closer. I am terrified. I'm so scared that I haven't a tear to shed. I'm tired. I'm feeling so alone right this very moment, so tired and alone. I'm still trembling here with my arms outstretched waiting...waiting to live, waiting to die? If the winds shift will it be enough to send me soaring over? Will I gracefully dive into the waters, or will I not? What is happening to me? Why do I feel this way? Does anyone have the answer? I am a cliffhanger!