January 23, 2013

I have been stripped of my last drop of dignity, and given to the carnivores so they can feast.  Paranoia has taken me hostage.  The FEAR became so overwhelming and all-consuming that it stepped aside to make room for 'paranoia'. I know exactly where it is that I am descending and I have no way of stopping myself.  I have said it many times that I haven't a fight left in me.  My defenses have failed me, and now I am raw.  It's as if I am lying completely naked at the bottom of a bottomless pit (if that's possible) and the sand and the salt from above is falling onto open wounds, burning from the outside at first; then internal.  Just once to "FEEL" wanted; by every definition of the word.  I have experienced the need aspect of it all, just not ever the want.  WHY?  Am I that undeserving?  Do I expect too much and for that matter do I ask for too much? The intense feeling almost sensation that no matter what is said or done is never good enough.  I'm tired of being pushed and pulled, pushed and pulled.  I have nothing left.  I am EMPTY.