I have reached the peak. I have realized, today to be exact…that I am losing all control. I continuously ward off FEAR, and yet it
somehow creeps in and through, around and over every nook and cranny, coming at
me full force. It doesn’t allow for me
to build up my defenses (if there are any), so I come crumbling down, on my
knees, hard. I’m here. I’m still here as a matter of fact. Why? I
want happiness! I truly do. I think I might jump in with both feet,
perhaps then FEAR will leave me be. It
will have what it wants, another empty, lonely, scared soul that it can
claim. I try and stand up for myself only to be thrown down by a force so powerful that standing up takes all the strength I can muster. Ugh! I am walking on the extreme edge right now. There has got to be some end to this desperation; this disparaging doldrums, somewhere, somehow.
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