November 21, 2012

"Give time, time", "Time is of the essence", "Only time will tell", and my ALL TIME favorite..."TIME WAITS FOR NO ONE!" If all of these hold truths then why does TIME WAIT FOR NO ONE?  I'm completely and utterly confused now, not that I haven't always been.  I have given time, time.  I have waited for time to tell me whatever it is I was supposed to be waiting for.  I have embraced moments in time with all of my might, and am now left with difficult and life changing decisions that I am afraid to embark upon.  I have all of the symptoms of the "WHAT IF'S", and am terrified.  I am always afraid, who the hell am I kidding.  Anyone and everyone that reads anything that I have written knows full well that I live in fear.  It's quite draining to say the least.  I am trembling at this very moment and for what reason I haven't the slightest of ideas.  I know that I am afraid, so afraid that my heart feels torn.  I am sad, when in fact I should be embracing life and love and all that other happy horse shit.  I don't know how.  TIME WAITS FOR NO ONE; does that mean I need to fast forward my life and all else that follows?  I AM SO FUCKING SCARED AND I HAVEN'T THE SLIGHTEST IDEA WHAT IT IS THAT I AM SO FUCKING AFRAID OF! Time sucks!  I thought that I had it all figured out when I was little, reading fairy tales.  I just assumed that my life would be just like Cinderella's (her happy ever after of course), or perhaps Sleeping Beauty, (Prince Charming my ass), maybe even Snow White (REALLY? Seven dwarfs?)  I give up, who knew life would suck ass as much as it has?  I sure as hell didn't.