Monday, November 19, 2012

November 19, 2012


FINALLY!  I finally feel a sense of relief flowing over me… it’s been a long time coming, so I’m going to try to hold onto this feeling with what’s left of the strength I possess.  I’ve been contemplating the most sinister of acts against myself, even plotting my own internal revenge for so long I thought that I had completely lost ALL hope of ever regaining consciousness.  I have been under a spell, I know that I have and for some strange, unexplainable reason I feel that it has been lifted.  I can’t explain it as I have just stated, it’s unexplainable.  It’s blowing my mind actually.  I know too however that this won’t last for very long, so I must take advantage of it, while I can.  I wish that I could control my thoughts for they have controlled me for too long and I know the outcome is grim if I allow them to completely take hold of me.  I was terrified the past few weeks, so much so that I was prepared, and I wasn’t the least bit afraid of where it was that I had been heading.  That statement right there is horrifying.  I know that I need to get a grip and move forward.  Where might I go?  I haven’t the slightest idea, although I do know that anywhere has got to be better than where I was.  I close my eyes frequently throughout the course of every day and the visions I see are morbid, or so they have been.  I want so much to change those eerie images that invade my mind and be done with them; I just haven’t that kind of strength left.  We will see what tomorrow brings, if tomorrow ever comes.  The day is already dragging and when it does, so do my thoughts…

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