November 20, 2012

So here it is...another weekday in the life of Kelly...work as usual...dreading the alarms wake up call, then to wake the kids in order for them to prep for another school day.  I have given my all in every situation I have placed myself in, whether it be healthy or not.  I have tried to conform to the ways of others' and lost myself almost completely in doing so.  I have endured relentless hours of agonizing tears streaming down my cheeks without another soul to comfort me.  I have battled with myself and others' to prove points that really were pointless to begin with.  I have fought for what I thought was right, and sometimes wrong.  I haven't won a single battle, I have not ever claimed victory over another, in spite of the wrong doings.  I have given in to malice acts and erased memories of my own lost self.  I have replaced love with anger and resentment, hate with fear and sorrow.  I have cried enough tears to create an ocean of my own.  I have care taken, and gone without.  I have envied others' only to realize that I have no need for all of the material things that others' may possess.  I realize right here, right now that if I am not enough, if my Love is not enough, if my giving of myself unconditionally without question is not enough, then I have had enough.  I have laid down my sword and my shield for the last time.  I will not ever pick them up.  I will lie low in the brush of silence and solitude so that I will not ever hurt again.  I wonder if I will rise above the brush?  Will I EVER be good enough?