August 13, 2012

It's time I take inventory of myself and my surroundings.  I give more than I receive, and it's emotionally draining.  I have nothing left to give of myself.  I have weighed the pros and cons of every situation and the cons outweigh the pros; needless to say it's heartwrenching.  I sit in absolute despair feeling nothing more than hollow.  Hollow; what a complex word, that empty, lonely, meaningless place I reside more often than not these past days.  Scurrying like a rodent who is relentlessly bobbing and weaving with all it's might, to evade becoming prey.  It knows what flies over head, yet it dashes from one secure refuge to another in hopes that it will survive the attack once again.  I've all but given up the fight, dangling my own sanity in front of my very own face as if I were a blood hound in search of.  I am though; in search of, what it is; I have yet to discover.  I know there is something, someone, somewhere waiting, for the moment to present itself as it so often has done in the past.  I have been treading water for so long that I am weakened, so weakened so that tears find it difficult to form and fall down my cheeks.  Why is that?  Have I reached the end of my rope and if not, is there a knot that I can somehow manage to hold onto, before I plunge into the darkness once again.  THEY, whoever they is, failed to inform me that I would feel as raw as I feel for so long.  I'm so tired of salt being poured on the wounds I've been delicately nursing.