December 15, 2011

That overwhelming unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach is back once again, as if to say, "I've neglected you."  "Really?" I'm wondering if I invite the demons in with a warm welcome or do they creep up like I've suspected they do?  When will I learn to walk away?  When will it be my turn to bask in the sun and the glory?  How much more SHIT do I need to put myself through, how much more SHIT do I need to endure?  Am I really bullshitting myself by not wanting to deal with my past and how it's affected me today?  I don't see it as bullshit, avoidance yes.  Neglecting to relive painful experiences?  YES!  I'll agree to that much too.  Why continuously dig up the past and allow it to fester until I can no longer deal with the wreckage that it's caused and I implode.  UGGHHHH!!!! I AM COMPLETELY BESIDE MYSELF!