June 22, 2010

Powerless by definition: lacking strength or power, helpless and totally useless. Weak, vulnerable, defenseless, incapable perhaps as well, but when we think about powerlessness we (I) don't associate all of these along with it. I am fragile, yet unbreakable, I am weak yet I have the strength of 1000 men, I am all of these and more. I refuse to allow some innate object promoted by society control my life any longer. I have reached "out" in the past, asked for forgiveness, but I think about it I am the only one I need to forgive in order to move forward. I'll tell you these past few days might have been hell on someone else as for me, I'm feeling awake, alive, I'm seeing things in new perspective. I'm not comfortably numb, or even buzzed, yet I still feel as though I may be in some sense of the word numb. I'm numb because I allowed myself to become that of which I condemn, an alcoholic of all sorts. Now I know that there are some that are off worse than myself but genuinely speaking we all suffer the same. The emotional, psychological, physical aspects of being an addict are all one in the same, so therefore are we. There are all types of addicts, and I'm not talking about substance abuse whatsoever; I'm talking about the ones' who think they know best, when in fact there fighting with there own self-loathing, self-pitying monkeys on their own backs. We need to band together to stand up and shout, (even if at first no one at all hears us), because I will not under any circumstance allow myself to become prisoner to a f@*#ing bottle or anything else for that matter, not now not ever again. I realized that music is an absolute inspiration for the heart and soul. "I can see clearly now the rain is gone...I can see all obstacles in my way," but for the grace of GOD there go I.