February 28, 2013

It's as though I'm reaching for a star.  I want it, I can taste it, yet it is so far out of reach.  I know I'll never hold one in my hand, nor near my heart.  I try to mask the pain once again, and here we go, the tears that I thought were once dried up begin to flow, like a raging river breaking through it's banks, uncontrollably so.  I am lost and I don't know which direction to turn.  I reached out and there wasn't anything for me to grab hold of.  I know that I'm slipping, and I kick to stay afloat. It's as though whatever force is out there is pushing me under gradually, allowing for me to breathe only long enough to bury me again.  It's frustrating to say the least and terrifying.  I know what I must do, I know what I must say.  The pain that comes with it though is nothing I can manage, not right now.  Perhaps not ever, so I'll continue to tread in hopes that eventually there will be something for me to take hold of, something that will finally pull me to safety.  My soul I fear has taken a beating and I'm becoming weak.  I need, I must muster some strength someway, somehow.  I am truly afraid.