December 17, 2012

There are so many things that I question on a daily basis, it's routine for me.  I have questioned my faith, my existence, my love and above all else, MYSELF.  I continuously put myself through grueling escapades causing others' grief when I only want to cause harm to myself, internally, externally however it may be.  I was told most recently that I can not love another unless I love myself.  Is this factual?  Have I not yet loved?  Am I capable of love?  What, for that matter is LOVE?  I'm so confused, scared, alone and confused.  I haven't a clue where I need to be right at this very moment, I do know that I need to pull myself up and out of this hole.  HOW?  Can I ask for help or is this something I must tackle on my own?  I feel the talons digging deeper than ever this time, and it's tearing me up inside.  I want to run and hide, I want to escape and the more energy I put into pulling away the deeper the wounds become.  Won't someone, just once guide me?!  I need help.