September 4, 2012

That day when you finally realize you're battling yourself for some unknown reason.  That day just so happens to be today.  A calming silence has come over me, I feel withdrawn from within and without.  I am emotionless, yet I am full of emotion. I am feeling extremely hushed, as if someone has drawn every ounce of energy out of me.  I know where I stand yet I insist on fighting it.  For what reason, I haven't a clue. I haven't a 'pot to piss in', yet I've got the world at my fingertips.  How does that actually work?  I have nothing, yet everything.  Sometimes I lose sight of what matters most and fall through the cracks then begins the dauntless task of digging my nails into whatever crevices I might find in order to raise myself above the abyss that I know lies below with hunger pangs wailing so all the world can hear.  I know the inevitable is bound to happen and as I try with all of my might to prevent it, I fall to my knees and curse the skies for all who are willing to hear my screams.  I am finally at a loss.  I thought I knew which way to turn. I thought I had some inclination as to what lay ahead of me.  I thought...I thought....I was wrong.  I have disappointed myself so fiercely that I'm not sure I have the ability to salvage any part of any thing.  WHY ME? If that's pitying myself then so f@#$-ing be it.