February 24, 2017

I am not even living, I am just existing and frankly it fucking sucks. It's becoming worse by the hour. No friends, no way to get out and make an attempt even though I never would in the first place.  Lies that I have been told, promises that have been broken, plans that were made are all empty. Empty like me! I have no compassion, no love, no empathy whatsoever if I ever had to begin with, it's been drained from my soul, if I had one of those to begin with as well. I wish this miserable life would pass me by already. I am so fucking sick and tired of being alone, feeling alone. I am serving absolutely no purpose. Empty space is all I create. This life is bullshit. This emptiness is burying me. Am I delusional as everyone says? Is my sense of self warped like I've been told over and over again? I no longer have an identity, I just am, what am I? I haven't a clue anymore. I thought I used to know, I thought I had some sort of a dream, I guess I thought too highly of my own self so I believe it's safe to say that "I AM DELUSIONAL AND MY SENSE OF SELF IS THOROUGHLY WARPED", why should I then struggle if I am merely taking up space?  I don't even think clearly anymore. I can't seem to sort through thoughts in order to get them down. I wish just once I belonged somewhere, somehow. Here is another thought...if I wasn't such a fucking chicken I would most definitely... Just wonder off somewhere and die. That is what I deserve. To be physically alone is a struggle in itself let alone feeling alone no matter where I go or who I am surrounded by. I don't even feel comfortable in my own skin, I wish I could tear it off like a savage beast and bash it against a rock.