May 6,2013

Does it show on my face?  Do I vocalize it?  Have I not extended my hand?  What the hell is going on?  I sincerely do not want to revisit these emotions, if I may call them that.  I have had my fill of just about everything.  I've experienced enough turmoil, death, desperation, hatred, abuse, etc... for this lifetime.  If there is anyone else who feels the need to place themselves before me and present me with one of those previously mentioned, "COME BACK TOMORROW!", perhaps you lost your place in line. I haven't the strength to endure your shit today.  I have been on my knees far too long, and for all the wrong reasons, pleading with anyone who will give me an ear.  I'm empty handed today.  I've pushed you all away and for all of the wrong reasons.  It's myself that I am battling.  My mind takes control and runs wild.  Comments meant to be harmless wreak havoc.  I still find myself reading between lines that don't exist.  When will the madness subside?  When will I find happiness within and when, oh when will it finally be my time to shine?  I see family moving forward, up and over obstacles, hurdling them as though they didn't exist, while I struggle continuously to make heads or tails of every situation given me.  I haven't the fight left, I want to give up, I want to wish myself away.