Going back in time and looking at photographs, it makes me so fucking sad knowing that I missed out on so many milestones with family. Maybe I'm angry, frustrated, who the hell knows. I sit here wondering why I was dealt a deck of cards consisting of Jokers? Was it intended that way!? Am I destined to always look over my shoulders, struggle with the seemingly simple tasks, live in constant and absolute fear of what will come? How is it that I'm to move forward when I can't move past the past? Sure, there are days that I believe I have finally accepted my past for what it was and then the nightmare in my head begins and bets are off the table leaving me stripped of everything. I'm still scared and perhaps more so now then in recent days!
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