May 22, 2013

I am just going to funnel myself back into the abyss.  The calamity from within is almost unbearable.  I haven't the strength nor the ability to fight.  It's as though all hope has been lost.  I tried to hold on for as long as I could however; the knot that I tied loosened itself and I've been slipping ever since.  It certainly hasn't happened all at once, but it is happening nonetheless.  Slipping in and out of consciousness almost as I descend. I suppose I could make some sort of a slipknot, tie it around my waste, fight the current and see how far it will take me?! It's a painstaking task trying to stay above the emotional turmoil that for as far back as I can remember has held me hostage.  There aren't any buoys, no life jackets, not a rope in sight and I believe (I can't be certain) that I am no longer capable of holding on.  With that being said, what was it or what is it that I've been holding on for.  It was told to me that it seemed as though I have been waiting to be "rescued" and however indignant I felt at that very moment after having read such, I shook it off, or so I think I have.  I've had enough dealings with the profound melodrama that I am surrounded by daily.  The pessimistic antics of others' is too much for this girl to endure.