May 16, 2011

I was witness to an event yesterday that placed me amongst others’ such as myself.  Conversations were flowing and laughter was abundant.  Had I known the misery that was stirring inside another sitting next to me, I would have removed myself from this event in its’ entirety in order to give support.  Perhaps some calming and soothing words.  However; I didn’t notice at first and by the time I had it was already too late, the anger and frustration had taken over and I felt alone and afraid for them, not knowing what to say or do, I sat in silence.  I allowed these feelings to fester and surface, and the guilt that comes with not being more intuitive is overwhelming.  

Gifts in sobriety!

I know such gifts, not gifts of grandeur but gifts beyond my wildest dreams.  Dreams I once thought locked in that casket and buried with all else.  As I sit in awe over such wonder, I can’t help but smile a little smile, one that begins on the exterior, and works its’ way inward.  I am now smiling with my soul, and am comforted with such thoughts.  Regardless of the chain of events that has taken me down those lonely, dark back allies, I now am basking on sun drenched beaches where I believe I belong.  I have no desire at the present time to return to that awful, bitter, cold darkness I was once comfortable with. I want to stand in the sunlight and feel the heat beating down on me.  It’s such an overwhelming love, one that I’m certain I have never experienced before.  I’m not willing to let go, only to grow as plants grow with a little bit of rain, and a whole lot of sunshine.