December 3, 2010

I've noticed my senses coming back to life, something very unfamiliar I might add. I've also discovered that most are only concerned for themselves.  It;s all a matter of what they can gain from others not taking into consideration how it makes those people that they're using for personal gain feel.  It's disgusting actually, and as far as I can see the can all "GO F@#*  THEMSELVES.  You are no longer welcome in my life because I don't need you.  "WAIT!" I've never needed you, it's all an elusion.  So now I'm seeking sincerity, not false advertisments, or bullshit, so keep your mouths shut and move the f@#* on.  I'm looking for my own spirituality, something that is definitely amiss in my life or so I've been told recently, and quite often.  Unfortunately I have absolutely no idea what (spirituality) it is or where to begin looking.  Fearless inventory, are you kidding me?  There is no such thing as a fearless, I am fearful, why take an inventory of myself, I know my old ways oh so well, and I'm comfortable there.  However; I want to sprout those damn wings (cliche)  and fly out of my shell.  I am only a pawn, and there isn't going to be any 'check mate' called out in this game of life.  "Change or Die",doesn't seem like a difficult decision to make to most, but apparently I was on a roll, and had no where else to go but a grave and oh "Hell NO", I'm not ready to die, I haven't even begun to live.