February 21, 2014

Have you ever just taken a few steps back, almost outside of yourself and observed? I was given that opportunity while I slept last night. I used to set short term goals only, because I knew that long term ones' were out of reach for whatever reason I came to that conclusion, I have. I no longer strive to reach those goals neither near nor far. I would like to unzip myself, turn myself inside out and power wash my entire being. I am sick of being me, whoever that is. I hate myself inside and out. I have tried to alter my exterior thinking it would somehow affect my interior, boy have I been wrong. I am broken! I no longer wish for happiness, because the woman or person I have become believes that it is unattainable. I will continue to trudge, with my knuckles bleeding as they scrape the very depths of my soul. I will allow FEAR to take control. I will not fight. Have at me, dig your talons deep this time, tear the skin that's oh so soft, poison me with your ridicule and constant reminders of mistakes that I have made. I am at FEARS' mercy.