November 28, 2011

     I must have been blinded or perhaps I simply turned the other cheek in fear of the unknown or maybe not so unknown.  I recognized what was taking place and refused to interfere, thus failing a friend.  I saw the warning signs even was witness to them harming themselves for fear of facing an horrific past. I am most thankful that GOD has been watching over me and her for the past three weeks otherwise neither of us might not of been here, and I wouldn't be telling all of my happenings.  I was terrified to say the least, yet I refused any and all guidance for fear of losing another friend.  We are fighting for our lives, even as I type I am in conflict within myself, trying to rid the bad and replace it with good.  I know I can do it, however the past is so overpowering and the demons that reside there seem to find me at my weakest moments, and when they do, the roller coaster to hell is on a fast track spiraling downwards, taking me with it, in hopes of watching me meet my demise.  I am stronger though, I know that I am, I have overcome that hell I tell of, and although it may creep up and frighten me I need remind myself that it's my past and can no longer hurt me, nor am I willing to allow it to.
 
     A turn of events has made me realize that we most definitely do hurt the ones we love the most.  Is is subliminal or do we do it consciously?  All I seek out of life today is pure, sublime happiness and I have certainly found the one that brings all that I could imagine to light.  At first it was shady and I was suspicious, however; I realized that when the light shown through and I saw this figure for what he was, I loved him before I knew what TRUE love was.