October 27, 2011

So, I've reached my breaking point once again.  It came and went so abruptly this time, thank God.  I haven't the strength to endure the ups and downs any longer, it's taking it's toll on me like never before, and the repercussions will be devastating if I don't control this SHIT.  I haven't had regrets until now, and they aren't many, however they are right there in front of my face.  How do I recover from this?  What steps must I take in order to prevent further damage?  What the fuck is wrong with me? Am I once again being the saboteur, why is it that I cannot just accept being happy? Why must I throw a monkey wrench in all that is good?  Am I crucifying myself, and if so why?  WHY? WHY? WHY? I'm being devoured by my own mind.  It's quick sand, and I gasping for one last breathe, yet I can't seem to let anyone close enough to help me out, so the anger, fear, and the complete frustration take hold and squeeze until I can no longer see what's right in front of me.  My heart pounds, I can feel it coming out of my own chest, my head spins uncontrollably, my breathe is short and heavy, I need to escape my own thoughts before they become my demise.