September 11,2011

I suppose I should stop being so selfish (hahahahahahaha) and focus on the needs of others' more often, perhaps then I'd have a better understanding of 'LIFE". Being selfless is so much more rewarding or so they say.  WAIT A MINUTE!  I am selfless. I do in deed do for others' constantly.  FUCK!  What a mess of my life I've created huh?  I've been cleaning it up or so I thought little by little, and it seemed spotless, however it's been pointed out to me that I have tons of garbage that need disposing of.  If you can see it then your too fucking close.  Back the fuck off, let me clean because I don't want remnants of any sort left behind.  Mistakes?  Yes, I have made my fair share, doesn't mean I need to be punished constantly for them.  DAMN!  Enough already.  My rock is calling me so I am going to be there until the Earth settles.  I'm safe, can't say or do the wrong things, won't hurt another soul, so...YEAH...if anyone decides they NEED me that's where I'll be.  ALONE and AFRAID!  I've been alone long enough....FUCK!  I am the one standing in the crowded room, screaming on the top of my lungs, and no one hears my screams.  Why is that?  Do I not appeal to anyone?  Am I that horrible of a person?  WHY?  Why GOD?  I've been threw this before, not too long ago.  I need some answers, and I need them soon, before it's too late.   Is it me?  Damn it, I just want to love you, and shower you with affection.  Is that wrong of me. I need to feel wanted...not told that I am...Shown that I am needed....not
told that I am needed...am I being selfish in that as well? Am I not worthy, is that what it is?  Am I just talking to hear myself talk?  I'm so frustrated I can't do this anymore. While I'm on the subject, why don't I just shut my effin mouth, and leave well enough alone.  Life on lifes' terms...HA I love you, I loved you before I met you, this I know.