Friday, April 28, 2017
April 28, 2017
The hardest part is sitting idly by while life passes me by. No job, can't secure employment due to my actions, no license to drive so I feel stuck daily. Emotionally and physically stuck. I have gone above and beyond to secure a place in this thing called 'life'. I most certainly go OUT OF MY WAY to please everyone else in hopes that at some point I might just fit in somehow, someway...yet to no avail I am ALWAYS left out, left behind, forgotten and the list, well it goes on and on. There is and never will be a place for me here and it most definitely is painstaking. There is no escaping this destructive misery. I owe it all to myself. I hate life. There is no longer any rhyme or reason to my daily existence, so why do I continue to drag myself in a downward spiral? The emotional pain is overwhelming, daily. I try and escape it and if I dare look over my shoulder, there it is lurking with hardened, beedy eyes waiting to sink it's fangs into flesh that's oh so soft.
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My thoughts to you, sister, best friend, daughter, mother........ The only person to put you first is you. I know, eff you.... I understand that all to well... Its true. Never have I spoken truer words or spoken better advice. You've made some extremely poor choices, who hasn't? We are HUMAN ( or as you'd say it "uman" ) I suppose we could sit here, thinking about the past... guess what that does? it steals your joy from today.... I'm not saying "joy" as in a happy fulfilled life, I'm saying the joy of knowing we are alive. The simple things. Having the ability to get up out of bed with no help. The ability of dressing yourself, feeding yourself. What joy!! Truly..... I am here. I will NEVER leave your side..... All you have to do is ask, reach out, confide, TRUST......
ReplyDeleteIF all else fails, lean on me.... I love you!!!