September 25, 2014

What an absolutely formidable act of desperation is that? I beg others' to stay in a relationship they clearly don't desire. Who does shit like that? These are thoughts that have littered my mind and it seems there is no escaping those disgusting memories. Why is it so easy for some to just let go of the past, in a blink of an eye or so it seems, whereas I just can't escape it. It's as if a bolt of lightening strikes when the skies seem to be clear, in the most alarming of ways, because it comes out of nowhere. I am pathetic to say the least. No one should have to beg or plead with another. While I'm on the subject of pleading, why does it seem that I am constantly apologizing for every action/reaction, every word spoken/unspoken? Why? That's pathetic as well. Damn! I am so sick of myself, WAIT! I make myself sick. The most discontenting part of all of this could very well be my own doing. I allow others' to control me. Who invites or tolerates emotional abuse and then apologizing for being on the receiving end? The more I sit and think the more repulsed I become. Is this even normal? What is NORMAL for that matter?