September 11, 2014

While the rest of the world is remembering the events that took place 13 years ago on this very date, going over emotions and photos, the media splashing the horror all over the television, social media sites blowing up walls with statuses about the same; I sit here wondering where I went wrong. I discovered a long time ago that I am not relationship ready, nor will I ever be. I fool myself into thinking so, going back and forth with the thoughts in my head, recalling childhood fairy tales wondering why they publish such nonsense when a "Happily Ever After" is not attainable at least not for me. I feel as though I am constantly referring to happiness and such and all that it is supposed to represent however; if I truly knew it wouldn't be a constant topic of discussion for me. It's just distressing how others' can be so manipulative and conniving in order to get their own way. I don't believe I do those sorts of things. Lately I have been reminiscing about everything that has taken place in my life and I wish I could pinpoint where it was exactly that mine started falling apart. I hear others' tell me that I am a strong individual for raising three kids on my own and yet I do not see that at all. I cry myself to sleep almost every night because I'm scared of what each tomorrow will bring. Holy shit, here it is again! FEAR, that fucker! He's back to torment me. I give up, have at it. I wish you would rip me to shreds once and for all because I haven't the strength to put up fight.