September 15 , 2014

After multiple attempts at a 'healthy' relationship with numerous others' be they male or female, I have drawn my own conclusion in that I am not meant for any relationship. I don't need the stress nor do I need the aggravation that accompanies said relationships either. I create images in my head that prevent me from moving forward with my life and I take full responsibility for my actions no matter the outcome. I am faced daily with demons that lurk in the crevices of my mind and make themselves visible at the most inopportune times. I hate who I have become, a cynic, a campaigner for those tormented by years of lies and abuse, an abuser myself (in defense). I manipulate my own thoughts so that I have the strength to face the coming 'attractions' daily. It's so overwhelming anymore that I where blinders now so that no outside influences obscure my vision. It may seem selfish and perhaps others' believe that I am looking for a 'pity party' however; all I want is to be left alone. Alone with my thoughts, in my own head. I don't possess the capability of mingling with others' in a manner set forth by 'society'. I haven't the desire either. Where does that leave me? Does this make me a cruel being?