When is enough, enough?

I have allowed so many factors define who I have become today. The past for example weighs so heavy and it brings me to my knees almost daily. I have lost myself somewhere along the dimly lit paths I have traveled and have tried with all of my might to light candles in order to find my way back to me. I believe that I am not meant to find myself yet walk for the rest of my days searching, in every nook and cranny for some semblance of who I used to be before I lost consciousness. I'm dazed and confused.. The heaviness of making the right decisions is immobilizing and I fear I will forever wonder aimlessly amongst the living dead in search of a soul that doesn't belong to me. I have felt for some time that I don't belong here, there or anywhere and it has come to fruition that those feelings are more than a reality. I have walked so many times into brick walls that the pain is numbing. I feel the jolt each and every time yet fail to learn from my own mistakes. Am I so prone to failure that I "fail" to see my own nose inspight of myself? Add to it worry and fear about being alone, or being abandoned, or about other people judging you, and it becomes a maze to wade through. An endless maze and there is no sign of life to be found, other than the sound of my own thoughts running aimlessly through my own mind.