November 18, 2013

Have you ever listened to your own thoughts? I cannot seem to sort mine out. There is this track and it is constantly running at speeds not yet known to man. My thoughts have wheels and they travel this track, round and round, nonstop. If I could grab hold of just one thought and focus all of my energy on that one thing, I would be content for that day. I imagine myself reaching up as if into clouds and taking hold of feathers (my thoughts) and blowing them into oblivion, one at a time until there is only one thought left for me to ponder. It's so overwhelming, the daily task of filtering through all that lies within the confines of my mind, these thoughts hold me hostage. It's not a matter of preference, nor desire to hold onto, the walls are sturdy and have yet to weaken so that I might take them down, brick by brick if need be. I have given time, time. I have tried to live one day at a time. I have taken baby steps forward only to be pushed violently back from where I started. It's about holding on when all I want to do is let go and most days I am not the one holding on. It is a power greater than myself, and for whatever the reason may be, this power will not allow me to leap. I see peace of mind when I look over the edge. I want to float on a wing, flutter through the air. I need to feel light as a feather. I need to feel free. I need to find ME again.