June 11, 2013

And there it lies, within the confines of my own mind, my demise. I am fully aware of it's uncanny ability to force me to my knees and drain me of any happiness I was able to muster. Why is it not possible for me to maintain anything like pure happiness for more than a few moments in time? Am I the cause of my own misery? Do I open the door knowing full well that it's on the other side, and invite it in? I don't believe I do such things intentionally, however; I can sit here and tap at keys expressing what has and continues to happen almost on a daily basis. It must be something so much deeper than I can even begin to imagine, something I have yet to understand about myself, and it causes me to stop dead in my tracks, no matter the tracks I'm traveling, and yank whatever glimmer of hope I have managed to clasp my hands around. So here I go again. Climbing onto that good 'ol ship called, 'Misery', waiting perhaps (as I have been told) for someone or something to 'rescue' me. I try to understand the concept of rescue as a whole and for the strangest reason unknown to myself I just can't seem to jump ship and swim to shore. I thought that I could 'drop the rocks' that have been plaguing me for so long, yet I have grown in strength if only to carry my 'rocks' where ever it is I may travel. Soon enough I suppose, I will have the emotional wherewithal to let go of all that burdens my heart, mind and soul. If there is a soul left to be had within.