March 14, 2013

I am truly at a loss... I feel as though a part of me has been thrown away and I can't even be certain I want it back.  Why is that?  Is this the final step of letting go or is this just the beginning?  I know I need to move on, past all of this because holding on only brings pain.  I'm not sure that I can let go of all that I know completely though.  I realize it's a process that is going to take some time and I don't believe that time is on my side.  Some days more often than others and I can't pinpoint which days specifically, life really throws a wrench in the gears that are otherwise operating smoothly.  What is the purpose of that shit?  I don't need anymore wrenches, I have quite the collection.  I want to start throwing them back at those I feel are far more deserving than I.  I'd like to stand back and watch them struggle.  It's really not worth my time anymore.  I've given more than I have received and I don't feel like giving a fucking thing to another fucking soul.  Stop taking advantage of my kindness and my generosity, my cup for all of you is EMPTY.  If everything were as simple as it is in fairy tales, what a wonderful life it would be.  I'll continue believing that dreams can come true, it just isn't quite my time.  Although I do know that the hour glass is running low.