January 28, 2012

I've realized that my blog has contained frustration, emotional distress, anger, resentment but nothing along the lines of building and maintaining a relationship with another. 

Relationship defined ...an emotional or other connection between people, a romantic or sexual involvement.  An intimate relationship is a particularly close interpersonal relationship that involves physical or emotional intimacy. Physical intimacy is characterized by romantic or passionate love and attachment, or sexual activity. The term is also sometimes used euphemistically for a sexual relationship.



Intimate relationships play a central role in the overall human experience. Humans have a universal want to belong and to love which is satisfied within an intimate relationship. Intimate relationships consist of the people that we are attracted to, whom we like and love, romantic and sexual relationships, and those whom we marry and provide and receive emotional and personal support from. Intimate relationships provide people with a social network of people that provide strong emotional attachments and fulfill our universal need of belonging and the need to be cared for.

Does this qualify one to be co-dependant upon another and/or others for that matter.  I am compelled to believe that it is I whom is indeed the inadequent one in the relationship.  Concvincing myself that I am, and am not able to meet
the needs of MY significant other.  Is it perhaps that I obssess over the fact that my inadequecies are more than what they seem, and in doing so causing a recoil within my own psyche?  I do feel that I belong, but (and there it is...the BUT) I often wonder if there should be something more, something that I am unaware of that needs to be provided. 

I have spent so many days and nights in my own mind, arguing back and forth with myself, in hopes that I might find the answer.  The reason another would back away.  The emotional intimacy is there, and the support and understanding, but there is more...something is amiss and I can't help but believe it all lies on my shoulders.  The same shoulders that could once endure pain and rejection, emotional and physical abuse and yet today I feel as though I haven't a fight left in me, no strength to move forward, and I am most certainly afraid of this feeling.  Is it a conceivable thought that perhaps I am truly wrong in blaming myself and have yet to see past my own nose in spite of myself?  Why would I and why do I for that matter continuously believe that it is in fact all my own doing?

I still feel like a prisoner in my own mind.