Today, Friday the 13th of 2012, I am grateful. I am grateful to be a single mom, and to have the ability to watch my children grow, to watch them laugh and cry, feel love and heartache. These are the most crucial of all days. I can no longer hold them in my arms and rock them to sleep. I must stand by and watch them struggle, while inside my heart is breaking for them. I know it's life experiences that makes one strong, and the saying "if it doesn't kill you, it only makes you stronger", holds fast in my life.
I have struggled for better than half of my life, and none of it has killed me, yet made me the strong, emotionally insecure, temperamental woman I am today. I have the ability to stand on my own, and make my own decisions without fear of another. The anxiety of that life was overbearing and exhausting. I may not be perfect nor do I wish to be, my goal is to overcome any and all obstacles laid before me, and grow from each experience of my past in order to prevent it from creeping up on me as it has done so often. It has been close to 2 years since my last drink and there are days where I would love nothing more than to crack open a beer and guzzle it, perhaps a shot with a chaser, but I allow those gut wrenching pangs to take hold for they are reminder of where I used to be, a place I dare not ever go back to .
I may not have all of the possessions that others' have nor do I need them. What I have is so much more. I have myself back, the self I knew a long time ago. The somewhat introverted, shy, insecure (occasionally) little girl that was lost. I know right from wrong although it didn't phase me in the least not too long ago. I am paying the price for being an alcoholic but the rewards are far greater than my imagination could have taken me. That and much more is what I am grateful for today.
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