March 18, 2011

I am exhausted...in every sense of the word, by definition (to drain of strength or energy, wear out, or fatigue greatly).  YES, I am exhausted!  I have not worked so hard on anything before prior to this, in my entire life.  It's a maintenance program of sorts, I suppose, maintaining my sanity (or what's left of it).  Stresses are many, and support is few and somehow I continue to drift as I have been doing in the right direction nonetheless, with much needed guidance from those who are unaware that they are assisting me on this expedition of mine as I like to call it on occassion.  Then again who am I to judge and speculate?  I am not GOD therefore I do not have that GOD-given ability to pass judgement on others', although I do catch myself and regret having had those thoughts from the beginning.  It's a new me emerging, I've seen her once or twice before, then in an instant she was gone, for some reason she (I) never stayed around long enough to make proper acquaintance.  Odd as it may seem I do refer to myself in every party, and this is how I know I have had small, subtle successes.  Small I say, very small successes, not with materialistic riches or emotional bonds, nothing of the sort, just sudden and jubilent revelations.  They are by far the most intriguing if I may say so myself.  I am able to think, and those thoughts become words, that don't stab like razor sharp knives any longer, it's simply amazing.  I'm learning to "live life on life's terms", not my own.  I know that God has a plan for me, and I anxiously await to walk down the path HE has chosen for me, just me.