February 25, 2011

So here it is that I sit as I do on most weekdays, thoughts running amiss as usual trying to make sense of myself and my emotions, and to my amazement I realize that, "I have absolutely nothing to fear today", I am at complete peace with myself, 'today'.  I am who I am supposed to be, and perhaps this is who GOD intended for me to be all along.  I am outside of my so-called comfort zone, which I once thought a daunting place for all to be especially myself.  The thought then occurred to me or perhaps just presented itself in the most pleasant of all emotions, a flood of energy rushed through my entire body and then nothing.  I sat still for a moment or two, got to my feet, lit a smoke, and pondered what had just happened.  This is the conclusion I have come to...I, Kelly, have just experienced letting go, letting go of fear, of myself as I once knew, I let go completely, I feel at ease, some peace, elation, I'm happy today.  Is this feeling going to last?  I don't know, but I can honestly say, I welcome this with arms outstretched, and will continue to do so, from this day forward.  I may be struggling financially, and things may seem grim at times, but there are other's too just like me struggling daily, perhaps some more so than I.  So today, I can say, "YAY", I'm happy to be me...