August 1, 2013

So it seems that the worst may have passed, although I don't hold onto hope that is most certainly has. I have had my heart stolen, broken, and then without regret handed back to me in pieces. I have lied to protect, and been lied to to be protected. I have cheated myself out of a wonderful life so many times that I have lost count. I have been forced for so many years to manipulate finances to suit the needs of my children. I have been manipulated and continue to allow others' to do just that. There are times when I just need to be alone; completely. How do I ask for that? I am so afraid of hurting others' feelings knowing full well that they think nothing of trampling on mine so why is it that I haven't the ability to speak up for myself. I have been beaten down physically, emotionally and psychologically so much so that the image I see when I look in the mirror is distorted. I've cleaned and scrubbed every looking glass and still, the same distorted image looks back at me. My physical body is tiring. I am weak and by saying such am I by no means inviting the hungry wolf to feast upon my weakness.