August 28, 2013

SIMPLICITY

August 27, 2013

Day 3 and 4: UNEQUIVICALLY OVERWHELMED!

August 25, 2012

Day 2: Continue redirecting

August 24, 2013

DAY 1 .... Redirect!

Acceptance

When the spent sun throws up its rays on cloud
And goes down burning into the gulf below,
No voice in nature is heard to cry aloud
At what has happened. Birds, at least must know
It is the change to darkness in the sky.
Murmuring something quiet in her breast,
One bird begins to close a faded eye;
Or overtaken too far from his nest,
Hurrying low above the grove, some waif
Swoops just in time to his remembered tree.
At most he thinks or twitters softly, 'Safe!
Now let the night be dark for all of me.
Let the night be too dark for me to see
Into the future. Let what will be, be.'


- Robert Frost

August 13, 2013

How does one measure ones' self worth?  Is it by the the handfuls of friends or perhaps it's material possessions, maybe ones' bank account balance?  Whatever the reality of it is, I have no bank account to balance, my worldly possessions are minimal, and friends, well I can count them on one hand.  I have given my all in every situation and have made certain (or so I thought) to stay clear of the flames because I know from past experiences that it does burn. However; I constantly feel the need to test myself by positioning myself so intricately right above the burning embers and it never fails, I get burned.  Over and over and over.  Seems excessive I know!  I am my own worst enemy and that YOU can take to the bank, maybe even roll over the interest earned and bank on it some more.  What do I know.  I am an EPIC FAILURE. 

A Thought Went Up My Mind To-day

A thought went up my mind to-day
That I have had before,
But did not finish,--some way back,
I could not fix the year,

Nor where it went,
nor why it came
The second time to me,
Nor definitely what it was,

Have I the art to say.
But somewhere in my soul,
I know I've met the thing before;
It just reminded me--'t was all--
And came my way no more.

- Emily Dickinson

August 1, 2013

So it seems that the worst may have passed, although I don't hold onto hope that is most certainly has. I have had my heart stolen, broken, and then without regret handed back to me in pieces. I have lied to protect, and been lied to to be protected. I have cheated myself out of a wonderful life so many times that I have lost count. I have been forced for so many years to manipulate finances to suit the needs of my children. I have been manipulated and continue to allow others' to do just that. There are times when I just need to be alone; completely. How do I ask for that? I am so afraid of hurting others' feelings knowing full well that they think nothing of trampling on mine so why is it that I haven't the ability to speak up for myself. I have been beaten down physically, emotionally and psychologically so much so that the image I see when I look in the mirror is distorted. I've cleaned and scrubbed every looking glass and still, the same distorted image looks back at me. My physical body is tiring. I am weak and by saying such am I by no means inviting the hungry wolf to feast upon my weakness.