March 5, 2012

Thoughts are running ramped today, wondering if in haste I've made my desires unclear.  Sounds hypocritical if you ask me, to think that in the middle of this "Ordinary" life anyone would want that "Happily Ever After" with me.  I've been beaten and broken, and all I want today is to feel complete, happy and content.  Not ever wondering or worrying whether or not, or if, or maybe.  I need to feel 100% security within and without.  It's non-negotiable.  Do I even make any sense anymore.  Am I rambling to here myself ramble, or am I writing with intent.  Have I made myself perfectly clear?  Are there any stones left unturned?  Damned if I know.  Time will tell, so they say.  What if I don't have time, what if time is not on my side, and what if I want it "ALL" right now.  Why waste precious moments wishing and waiting.  What's to hold me back? FEAR? Yep, fear rules in this instance, it sucks 'ASS' but it rules.  DAMN!!!!!