February 13, 2012

I either am, or I'm not, I either do or I don't, why though? Is it too much to ask that everything be "black and white?" There is no need to further complicate matters, just let them be, let me be. I strive daily to block all that is negative, yet there is always one crack in the frame that allows the shit to come pouring in and in doing so, tears once again at flesh that's oh so soft. It burns a little at first, and the blood that follows is horrifying, yet I allow it to continue. The scars are more visible today than that of yesterday. I often wonder if, and when, perhaps why and how much longer too. I just want absolution, I need that in my life today. I have no need to wander around aimlessly hoping and fearing what is to come. I'm 41 years old for fuck sake, how much longer must I wait? What is it that I am not providing for all to see that it is my time, finally it's my time. You're damn right I want. I want what all little girls since as far back in time as it goes, dream of. I want the Happily Ever After. I want the security, and the comfort of another. I deserve that much don't I? Why is it that I can't have what others' take for granted? Fuck!!! I'm rambling.