April 25, 2011

Am I mirrored by one’s image, actions, reactions and/or mind?  A thought provoking question then arises.  “When I look in the mirror and see my reflection, what does my reflection see?”  I have pondered this for almost 20 years, and today have clarity.  I see my reflection; I see pieces of every single individual I have ever admired through jealousies or other.  I see all of you, and all of them.  This is who I have become, this is where I am meant to be, right here, right now.  I find complete solace in knowing that I am no longer alone, and have never been for that matter.  I have been carrying, without knowledge, a piece of all of you with me, and am only now able to put those fragile pieces into place, and the strangest thing about all of it is, they fit, perfectly.

April 20, 2011

And suddenly, I am able to take this intraverted self, and express openly, freely, without abandon, nor fear of ridicule.  Incentive?  Is all of this, all of this opening of my past and opening of doors just that an incentive? If so, why the necessity to open the old rickety ones' when right before my eyes stands a tall, fresh with life, door with a new frame, fresh paint, new hinges and knobs a door that seems to be one which is uncharted.  Should I tempt fate, or wait for my frame to be replaced, paint to be revived, hinges and knobs to be replaced and that sense of newness overcome me, before I open that tempting door?  I'm almost certain as I always am that if I take a step back and look closely those scratches will still be there, whether or not an overhaul has just been performed.  I will wait patiently until I know the time is perfect then entice myself to grab hold, open that door and walk straight in, no questions asked, and finally take my place.  Yes the door will be there, and so will I.

April 8, 2011

I wonder if it's God's wonderful artwork being laid before me, and when I ponder that thought, I need not look any further for I wholeheartedly already know the answer.  Is it possible for one being to emit such beauty and splendor that it lights a soul?  I know this feeling, I belong to a group of the most wonderful beings in the world, and actually enjoy their company, without prejudice.  WOW!  Did I just say that?  I am not passing judgment?

April 7, 2011

I have a story to tell...to those who are in fact willing to listen.  I said, "Listen."  I don't need feedback because that's what I've gotten all along and it's gotten me no where to say the least.  I feel stagnated, so I know that now is the time to make those changes I've been dwelling on forever it seems.  First things first...I need to clear my mind of all negativity and fill it with fresh almost euphoric thoughts and move forward from there, only one problem...where is EUPHORIA?  Is it something we create in our minds, is it sublime ecstacy two people or a group of people share?  I only know this scared, sacred heart sitting here right this very moment has yet to experience that euphoria, but I am ready.  Feelings of a tiny child rushing up to her teacher with almost tears in her eyes, presenting them with the gift they ever so lovingly hand crafted solely for them, hoping they too would receive the same sensation within their own heart.  Unfortunately it doesn't seem as though life happens that way, so back to the drawing board, laughing all the way.