July 31, 2010

 I don't think I have been more resentful than I am at this very moment. I could throw rocks at people and feel no remorse. I'm sick and tired and being taken advantage of daily, then being told to relax or calm down. How about you go fuck yourself and then some. I genuinely hate people and that is a fact.

July 27, 2021

 I will not change for anyone no matter the circumstance!

July 26, 2021

 Still feeling extremely resentful and I just can't seem to escape this overwhelming feeling. It is exhausting!!!! What else is exhausting is trying to fit into someone's life when they simply can't seem to make room. I just now realized that I am the problem. I'm the misery that loves company. Years of abuse has brought me here today. 

July 24, 2021

 Have you ever been so frustrated with the way you allowed your life to turn out that you resent everyone and everything even the little things you should be grateful for? That is exactly where I'm at today. Resentful, and full of anger; so much anger that I have to isolate myself. I've been through hell and most likely created someone else's hell, but I'll be damned if I'm going to sit idly by and watch from the sidelines any longer.  

July 22, 2021

 Today has been a much better day than many days before. I wake at 2:45am daily and don't stop until I collapse, literally. I was able to keep my anger at bay for the most part although there were moments when I felt the need to throw rocks and no I don't throw rocks at glass houses! Frustration and disappointment set in at the most inopportune times and I have no control over when, where and/or how they will play out. 

July 20, 2021

 I've taken all I can take. Its time to move on. Move up, move forward, just move.

July 19, 2021

 The worst feeling in the world is not being able to express your feelings without a finger being pointed in your face telling you that your the problem and its all you. I forget that everyone else is perfect or so they think they are. I will knock you off your metaphorical pedestool! Get over your damn self and take responsibility for your own fucking actions instead of blaming me for your rigid thinking. 

July 18, 2021

 The day started out as every other day, me having to clean and sanitize everything. That's a norm for me now. I guess you could say that to some extent I'm a germaphobe! I grew up where everything had a place no matter what it was. Cleaning our rooms entailed putting things where they belonged not where I could hide them and to this day I EXPECT the same in my household. I'm sick and tired of cleaning up after adults, putting things that are not my responsibilty away. Follow directions and there will be no a!tercations. Something which I thrive on, altercation that is. I dislike people as a whole and have no desire to make or maintain fake friendships. I'm absolutely sick and tired of being placed on the back burner only when something needs to be done or someone has a second to spare. If I'm that much of an inconvenience then don't bother.  Attended a wedding yesterday and I actually shed a few tears out of sheer jealousy. I'm happy for them but couldn't seem to control my own thoughts. I am by no means a people person, never have been and never will be. I trust no one. Maybe I'm being overbearing when it comes to coping with all of this but this is me and I have no intention of changing for anyone.