March 31, 2015

The emotions begin to bubble and then in an almost instant they are ALL boiling over and to clean up the mess afterwards is near impossible if not altogether.  In order to rectify any situation it seems I am the one who is constantly groveling for forgiveness whereas it shouldn't be me.  I have wasted my life searching for something that will never be.  An understanding of who I am, who I have become without ridicule.  I don't need YOUR directions because I am NOT YOU.  The threats no longer affect me, so lay them out for yourself.  I have grown more impatient than I care to acknowledge and the angst that has been created from all of these emotions has left me in pain. An agonizing deep rooted pain that has turned into utter and complete fury.  There is but one solution.

March 31, 2015

LOVE, you say?  There is no such thing as LOVE.  It is merely a human desire to feel connected to another, an attachment of sorts, it is not LOVE...

March 30, 2015

It's about the time in my life where I start ridding myself of material belongings, and with that being said, I am ready to run!

March 30, 2015

So it's okay to rant somewhat ingognito about how much of a 'piece of shit' I am however; have you thought for one moment that this piece of shit is the ONLY one who has stood by while you fell multiple times and helped you up. This 'piece of shit' has gone out of her way to make certain each of you has some sort of direction. This 'piece of shit' tolerates the blatant and constant ridicule from you and all others' that you complain about her to. So, maybe I am a 'failure', and perhaps even a 'piece of shit', who's to say for sure, you, or the countless others' out there that place themselves on pedestals?

March 24, 2015

I sit and read or sit and watch movies, anything to get me out of my own mind.  I then place myself within the tales I have read or watched and wonder more often than not, why have I been given this life?  I have taken care of others' my entire adult life and ponder the thought (ever so lightly) of having someone take care of me?  I know it's merely a fantasy but one I relive over and over.  There has never been a 'love story' for me to share with my children, there are no over the top tales for me to tell other than those of horror and survival.  I hope that some day all those that have crossed my path will realize all that I have sacrificed for each of them, never expecting anything in return, not even recognition for my accomplishments or lack there of; because if anyone truly knows me then they also no I have not accomplished much.