December 3, 2014

Such a distorted view encapsulating my entire being.  I have struggled more often than not to step outside of myself however; each attempt has been an epic fail. It seems even more difficult these days to come to terms with where I am in life.    Am I destined to be a failure for all eternity? 

December 2, 2014

So I have decided to post here every day this month in hopes of relieving myself of some of this incredible angst that I am carrying with me. I have tried to reach out to some who have said that they would 'always' be there for me, little did I know that they meant only when it was/is convenient for them.  I am told I am needy and clingy by yet others'.  Here ye, here ye...I am no longer in need of you nor your sarcasms, your inability to communicate with me not at me, your ridicule, your lack of interest in what interests me.  So again, go to hell or where ever it is you descend to after you have ripped my emotions to shreds.  I realize you are that abyss that I lovingly am drawn to and by no means do I mean this to praise you.  You are toxic and I can not allow for myself to look in your direction hence I have covered the mirrors in my house and no longer glance at myself when walking by any window that may show some sort of distorted reflection.  I am my demise. 

December 1, 2014

I do not know how the hell I cope on a daily basis. My head is filled with memories of broken promises and yet I still, somehow fall prey. It is amazing how one person can allow another to take such control emotionally, and knowingly continue to feed that individual who still can recall at any given moment in time the exact words that were spoken to them and then made to feel utter guilt because they are manipulated into believing the other. Fuck you!!