May 25, 2012

Placing all of ones' eggs in a single basket seems out of context, and foolish, but I wonder; when speaking of love is it safe to do just that?  Put all of my eggs in one basket?  Or should I leave a few to the side?  I confuse myself, but more often than not it's the actions and words of others' that confuse me more.  I look for answers' in the strangest of places and seek advise from the oddest of individuals, but I take into consideration all because I haven't the slightest idea where my life is leading.  Sure I have short term goals and the occassional dream, but thrusting myself back into reality I realize that I have but one day, one day to live, one day to love.  I am given one day at a time.  (There's that dreadful cliche) I want to plan for my future, I want to know what it is that I am looking forward to and in the event I make it past this day, it will be one day closer to whatever it is I've dreamt.  I don't ask for much, I give my all these days just to survive, and in some ways feel it just doesn't satisfy myself or others' enough.  I don't talk about the future much other than starting fresh, and yet I wonder....I wonder if I will be satisfied.  I've given my all and my all isn't good enough, I have nothing left to give of myself. So here I sit as I usually do when thoughts provoke the keys to express the babble that locks itself in my head.  I continue to frustrate the F!@* out of myself, and the tears come, and I'm back to square one.  I've given up on so much and let so much slip through my finger tips, I'm not able to settle for anything less than what I want.  Here I go again, babbling about nothing.

Don't Follow Me

I like to walk on cliffs. Be careful, don't follow me.

I like to walk in quicksand. Be careful, don't follow me.

I lie to walk the narrowest path. Be careful, don't follow me.

I like to walk a crooked line. Be careful, don't follow me.

I like to walk through fire. Be careful, don't follow me.

If you can see past the illusion, come walk with me.

If you can put side our differences, come walk with me.

If you can cast aside your doubt, come walk with me.

I you can understand, shhhh. Come walk with me.

Dennis T. Maglinte

May 10, 2012

It’s one thing to isolate for personal reasons such as self-preservation, but to be forced into isolation is an unfair act. Perhaps on occasion I deserve to be pushed away, but I can’t continue living (if that’s what this is called) feeling completely alone in a world with millions of people.  It allows one (ME) to fall prey once again to those feelings of worthlessness, feeling unwanted and eventually after time it will force me into depression; a place I know oh so well.  It’s not a healthy place for me, because within the confinement of my mind lies, frustration and loneliness, pain caused from hurt then it manifests itself into utter anger, turned inward.  I need time for myself, to unravel my thoughts and put things into perspective, but to feel unwanted is the most agonizing of all that I have experienced.  I suppose being misunderstood, misled, misdirected and all else that comes with such doesn’t aid in the prevention of falling into that dark, cold and lonely place.  What’s next?  When will I finally reach that level of contentment that others’ possess (or so it seems)?  When will it be MY turn to experience elation beyond recognition?  WHEN?

“Do not get discouraged.
It is often the last key that opens the lock."

Unknown