August 21, 2020

 I am by no mean unloving nor am I selfish. I am calloused and I live by my own rules! 

One would think I'd have more to say in regards to all that's been taking place in the world however I chose to keep silent and isolate myself from the rest of you including family, because I cannot handle the magnitude of all the ongoings emotionally. 

April 15, 2020

With all that's wrong with the world right now I somehow muddle through each day knowing tomorrow will bring more of the same. I'm not one to boast but karma, that girl is on FIRE! Wreaking havoc all over! In a sense, I am content with that. What I am not okay with is living a life that is nothing short of a complete lie. I broke down the walls protecting me and here I am, standing with my head hung low because I have been a fucking fool for all of these years. How naive of me, and to think I bash those who are just that, naive. Well, it's that time. 10 years I've been posting on and off, some years more than others however; to the point...the time has come for me to make a decision. Live and move on or give up and end this fight! I am there , tending to lean more towards the latter of the two.
Just a thought,  I wonder how a man/woman feels when a supposed 'loved' one takes their own life? Do they feel guilt or shame knowing they may have had some part in it? I hope so.

March 26, 2020

Is GOD real? Does he really care about me? I fucked up my whole life and then some and just cant seem to get a hold of it all. "GOD, IF YOU'RE LISTENING, I AM SCARED! I feel lost, alone and scared!"

January 31, 2020

You know, for some unbeknown reason I continuously keep finding myself in my own HELL! There is no exit sign to light the way. There aren't any signs as a matter of fact, just a long winding road that veers off every so often. Perhaps I should have taken the road less traveled? NO! I had to take the beaten path. The path where all of my skeletons lie barely covered by the Earth. So a shallow grave I suppose, and that's why I constantly end up where I am today. In my own self created HELL.