October 20, 2015

I often wonder if anyone else would rather be someone other than themselves?  Would I have more of an appreciation for who I am, the struggles I face daily, the turmoil that I encounter constantly?  Would I have a better understanding looking in from the outside knowing what I have experienced in a form foreign to me?  I wonder if I would be more apt for changing myself if I were able to see how I functioned from day to day?  I just wonder....what does it truly mean to be sick and tired of being sick and tired?  What if I am so sick and tired I just lie down and die?  What if that's all it truly means?  So many what if's to be had that I am almost clueless.  The conductor in my head is screaming full steam ahead and I'm not prepared for the obscene amount of thoughts that are about to be unloaded when this train pulls into it's final destination.  Give me strength because I haven't any left.  I sit here isolated not only from society but from myself as well, if one can make any sense of that.  Oddly enough I still sit here, somber and silent.